Have you ever been really afraid of something happening to you?
Have you felt the grip of continuous fear that just wouldn’t leave you?
One of my biggest fears in life for a long time was being raped. So many women around me had become victims of sexual assault. I vowed I would do everything I could to protect myself.
I wasn’t sure if any of my efforts would actually protect me. But I had to try.
1. Dress conservatively
2. Never drink alcohol in excess
3. Never accept a drink from a guy unless I physically saw it being opened.
4. If I ever left a drink for a blink of an eye it was dead to me.
This may sound kind of extreme. Or maybe it doesn’t? Maybe you’ve employed these strategies yourself. Many of us were told cautionary tales and encouraged to protect ourselves from the men lurking (or out in plain sight) ready to take advantage of us.
I made it to almost 30 years of age without a serious sexual assault. There were, of course
(and women everywhere feel the anger and sadness behind including the statement ‘of course’) smaller assaults like harassments, inappropriate touches, and shaming.
I felt thankful to make it to adulthood with only what our culture considers “typical boys will be boys behavior.” But still, the fear of being physically violated and enduring life-long trauma lingered in me.
Then everything changed. I left my successful psychology practice to find and collect my missing pieces.
I decided to go to India alone as a single woman. Literally, everyone who learned of my future travels openly told me NOT to go. They said women often get raped there.
Being the stubborn “follow my heart” person that I am I went anyway.
Once I arrived in India, I realized I had never felt more free, happy, and uniquely comfortable.
One day I was at a silent meditation retreat in a secluded part of a holy town basically inhabiting a real life cave for a week. The retreat leader told me where I was allowed to go and where I was not. I had twisted my ankle days before and the only place which we were allowed to visit that had water was too difficult a walk for me.
So in desperation to meditate near water I went to the forbidden area to sit by myself and enjoy some peaceful time.
During my meditation, I felt this sickening feeling emerge within my body and I instantly opened my eyes and turned my head in the exact direction of a man not too far away from where I was sitting.
Something told me to get up and fast. I did the best I could with my injured ankle heading back to the caves.
In no time he was in front of me and I started yelling for no one saying, “I am almost there!”
I walked quickly away from him into a total dead end.
That was the moment. The one I feared most that haunted my nightmares. This was it— the moment it was going to happen to me. I was literally all alone in a deserted spot with no one to help me…I just had myself.
I remember taking a deep breath and going the only direction I could which was directly towards him. I felt this powerful energy start to swarm up within me and I felt strong, confident and, to be honest, a little bit crazy.
He asked if I was here alone, and I quickly responded that my husband was close by and coming for me.
Clearly that was not convincing and I could feel him coming so close that his hands started to grab my behind.
Then without a thought, I looked at him straight in the eyes and screamed at the top of my lungs throwing my whole body into it, literally shaking uncontrollably.
Before he ran off I caught a glimpse of his pure terror at this wild and crazy woman he thought he could touch.
I never told anyone about the incident because I didn’t want to be blamed as if I had put myself in this situation. I chose to go to India. I knew other people wouldn’t see from my perspective that I was and still am proud of myself for going. I learned profoundly that I am a force to be reckoned with.
I spent most of my life trying to be invisible to men, being nice, thinking about how I was “hurting” their feelings if I didn’t want to engage in their desires.
That girl is DONE. I dress how I like, enjoying my body and feeling free to be me.
I do what I want and I put me first.
If someone is not respecting me and my body, then YES that automatically gives me permission to take care of myself since I am the only person that has the ability to do so.
My uncontrollable shaking and shrieking to fend off my predator in India was just the beginning of my journey. But I was exactly where I needed to be when this happened to me. I feel so blessed that I was actually trained in releasing trauma and after this event, I spent the next couple of days releasing it with all that I had. And it worked.
I was able to learn and harness the power of the techniques I needed to let that experience go.
I was able to rise from it, and in doing so, embark on my path of empowering others to do the same.
I left the retreat feeling changed but not damaged. Now I use this experience to help YOU heal.
I was hiding and now I walk proudly because I know what I’m made of and that I am not to be messed with.
I am here to show you that you can do the same.
We’re living in times we don’t understand.
We can feel discouraged as we watch our government ignore our words, deny our rights, and refuse to protect our wellbeing. We can sit in fear and wonder what we can do. Or we can act.
It is time.
Dr. Ford with her hand raised and eyes closed, with every word of her testimony, breathed empowerment into the divine feminine within us all.With every #metoo and #believewomen, we must bolster ourselves with faith in the infinite love we all possess within. Click To Tweet
It’s always been there.
It is the opposite of fear.
This is what we do.
We love ourselves. We choose the love over the fear.
We release the trauma and with it, we release the power it has over us.
I now pass along the techniques and tools that helped me take my horrifying experience and make it just that — an experience. Yes, it sucked, and yet I don’t have to be afraid because of it.
I still travel. I live my life. I walk proudly, strongly, more so now than ever knowing what I am capable of.
Each and every one of us deserves to feel safe, free, and that we can protect ourselves.
I am passionate about healing and have experienced first hand the benefit of releasing traumatic experiences to allow us to heal and be strengthened by it.
With Rising Consciousness Center, by raising our own vibrations, by starting with ourselves, we raise the consciousness of the whole of humanity.
I invite you to join me for this Women Of Now group where you can be heard and taught how to heal from whatever it is that has happened to you. Find the space to allow who you genuinely are to come through.
In this Mastermind workshop you will:
Learn the exact trauma release techniques that helped me heal.
Be provided with a safe, nurturing and compassionate community to share with and know you are not alone.
Receive empowerment to connect to your inner warrior, the powerful assertiveness and confidence in yourself that is all you truly need to meet any challenge.
Ready? Let’s do this! Together. Click here to learn more and to sign up to be the first to know when enrollment opens. You are a Woman Of NOW. Embrace your power.